Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
