a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
