You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
