I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
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I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
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it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize