I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Randomize
