I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just found a bag of teeth...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
