I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
