Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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