I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
