please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
