Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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