YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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