A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
