im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So apparently I’m into choking now
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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