i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So much rum. So many feels.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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