Everything about him screamed your future.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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