so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
you had me at cake vodka
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
