I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
