so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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