my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
