yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The power of my boobs compel you
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
