My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
