fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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