Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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