I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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