I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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