the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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