It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
