i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
