Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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