Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
