omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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