checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
