If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
