Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
