WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
