Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
