i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
