your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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