So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
