Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
