we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
