Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
