My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
