I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
