She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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