Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
