You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
