ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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