you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
