I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Everyone says I win the strip club
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
