you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
it's like iHOP with fire
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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