I'm eating all of the evidence.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I deserve this hangover.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
