You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
