Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
