white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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