What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
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I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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