Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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