are you still at the devil's house?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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