Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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