is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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