Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
