haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
