you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
