Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
