I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Sorry about my life...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
